


Heres a Glimpse, ain't it Pretty?

by centroid



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Aromantic, M/M, brief mentions of self hate, kinda sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-27 22:20:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6302494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/centroid/pseuds/centroid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s jealous of the people who can throw their heart’s at others, because he has an inability to love and as much as he tries to be prideful of who he is, he wants what they have.<br/>Philip Michael Lester would kill for the chance to be in love with Daniel James Howell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heres a Glimpse, ain't it Pretty?

**Author's Note:**

> so, this is (in a way) a continuation to Revolution.  
> But, you do not need to link the two or read Revolution to be able to read/understand this one.  
> It follows the same story (my life) but the characters switch. if you did read Revolution, then heres the character changes from Revolution to this story.  
> Ryan in Revolution is now Dan.  
> Dan in revolution is now Phil.  
> sorry, its pretty confusing but thats how i wanted to write this one.

Philip Michael Lester is jealous. He’s jealous of the people who can throw their heart’s at others, because he has an inability to love and as much as he tries to be prideful of who he is, he wants what they have. He wishes he could be naive and he wishes he could fall in love, but his own inhibitions keep Phil locked in his mind. He’s not sure if he’ll always be like this. Maybe it will change and suddenly he’ll stumble into a heartfelt love. He can hope.

But there’s a fear in chance that he will never be ready to take on. Love leaves people vulnerable, crushed, dejected, and hopeless. It’s what makes people cry at the movies and give heartfelt _I'm sorry's_. It’s too close to home, and Phil wishes he was someone else.

He wishes his heart would swoon, drop, shatter and be reborn, because he _wants_ to fall in love, but something deep inside won’t let him.

Philip Michael Lester would kill for the chance to be in love with Daniel James Howell. They started as any love story would, and Phil adored Dan to no end. But his feelings fled into a vault that’s now sealed shut, and now he can’t control what happened, but he wishes he could.

Phil could have pictured a life with Dan, and a great one at that. Kids, pets, an all too cheesy love story that was frayed at the edges, and Phil blames himself.  
It was valentine's day when Dan brought up the elephant in the room.

“I know things aren’t the way they used to be, you don’t have to say it. I guess that’s just how life turned out. But that doesn’t change what happened. I’m still myself around you, and you were one of the first people I was ever able to do that with. You will forever be the same dork I’ve grown to know and love, Phil, and I want you to know that. You deserve the best.” Dan looked deep into Phil’s eyes, and the older couldn’t control the wave of tears that ran down his cheeks. Dan should be furious with him. Dan should be yelling at him, _screaming_ because it was Phil’s fault things fell apart. It was Phil’s fault they can’t have the dollhouse future they both grew to want with each other, and it was Phil’s fault he was broken.

“I’m sorry,” Phil choked out, inhaling sharply as his heart broke. He caved in on himself as he sobbed. “I never meant for this to happen. I know, it’s my fault-”

“Don’t blame yourself Phil, it was my fault. I was scared to love you, I-”

“Please, no. You’re not the one to blame. I am.” Phil was breaking under his own restraints. He didn’t dare say why, he couldn't bear it.

“Phil-”

“I-I have this incapability of loving and I’m _so sorry_ , you should have someone who can give you what you deserve.” Phil looked up to meet the eyes of Dan. Feelings were there, pooling in the soft glow of the other’s color.

Dan strode across the room to meet Phil’s curled, sobbing form. “You kept yourself up for hours on end to talk to me, just because I couldn't sleep. You sent me sweet nothings when I was gone, and you said them to my face when I wasn’t. You were there to support me when no one else was, Phil, and you care about me, I know you do. You did reciprocate, just not in the same way. You don’t have an inability to love, you just didn’t love me in the same way.” Dan finished, looking as soft as a cloud, and Phil only broke more under his gaze.

In that moment, Phil hated himself more than he ever had. Only months ago he could see the brightest of futures with Dan. A loving family, a happy life. _Love._

If asked if he still wanted that same future, he would say _hell yes_.

But he’s broken and as far as he knows he can’t love Dan.

He would give anything to.

He’s broken out of his tragic thoughts by a warm body embracing his own, and he instantly clings to the form. He hears sniffles, and he knows Dan is crying too.

“I want to love you, so much-” Phil all but whispers, a broken sound coming from a broken man.

“Shh, it’s okay.”

 _They both seem to be mourning the death of their future,_ and Phil can’t help but sob more.


End file.
